My darling son,
I want to tell u the story of your father and I and how u and our beautiful lil family came to be. A year and a half ago i met your daddy. Yes, it was a tad unconventional as we met over the internet. We started as friends, talking about England all the time because the year before i had been there to visit your Uncle Gary. Well your daddy decided that he wanted to be more than friends but i knew the heartache that can bring when u're so far away from each other. Little did i know the persuasiveness of him at the time lol. We started talking on the phone and I knew i was falling in love. A dangerous place to be when u're thousands of miles apart. Then he decided that he was coming to visit. I was soooooo nervous as i ran to the bus station to pick him up that morning at 6 am. But when i rounded the corner and saw his smile i knew i would never love another man but him. Right away it was like we'd been together always. We were instantly best friends and yet so in love. I remember the night he had to leave after that first visit. The pain of knowing that we couldn't be together every day was excruciating. We stood on my front lawn under a clear sky and held each other. There's nowhere in this world that i felt like i belonged besides in your father's arms. We just...fit. He sang to me right there..and as he was getting to the end of the song..which has now become "your song" the cab pulled up to take him. Once he was gone, i just felt so alone. It was such a strange way to feel after only being together a short time. Going back to being apart again was soooooo difficult. We ended up fighting more. I guess just to cover the sadness. That's one thing u'll learn that i hope u don't fall into. It's always easier to be mad at someone than to let them know that u're hurting inside. But it's not a good way to be my son. Always tell ppl your true feelings. Let the ones u love know what is going on inside your heart. Anywayz, no matter what we knew how much we loved each other and that we needed to try harder to make things work. A couple of months later your daddy was back in my arms. And i was back to being the happy, loving person i wanted to be. This time he came with a purpose. He went logging with Papa one nite and in that logging truck he asked for my dad's hand in marriage. He told him that he'd always love me and that there's nothing in the world we wanted more than to be married and together always. Papa, seeing that i'd never been this happy in my life, told him yes. Your daddy then came to Nana and Papa's house, and while i was in the bath lol, asked your nana for permission too. She of course, had to see the ring cuz she was soooooo excited lol. Then that night your father took me to the one place that brings back a smile in my memory. Long before i had told him that the Elementary School i went to was a place of serenity to me. I'd walk up there at nite and sit at the top of the "tire tower" and write and think. It's the place where i finally found peace within myself in a time of a lot of sorrow in my life. We walked up to the school and climbed the tower. It was a beautiful night baby. Stars everywhere, a soft warm wind passing through. And we just talked, and talked, and talked. Then silence fell over as we just stared up into the sky. I was sitting there thinking, God i wish my whole life felt like this...and just as i thought that your daddy started to speak. We both remember the proposal like it was yesterday. "Jana," he said. "I've loved u since the day i met u, i love u now, and i'll love u until the day i die. You're my soulmate and i know that with all my heart. I was going to wait to do this but looking up at this perfect sky and being here with u like this, it just feels right. Will you marry me? Will u spend your life as my wife?" And wouldn't u know it babe, your "epitome of tomboy" mother..cried like a girl lol. It only took me 2 secs to answer and of course it was a yes. I swear walking back home it was like i was walking on air.
A couple of weeks later we went on our first road trip. We drove to Kam to be there for Nana and Papa's 25th wedding anniversary renewals. It was amazing. I've wished all my life to find someone that would make me as happy as Papa makes Nana and vice versa. And standing there watching them re-pledge their love to each other..i knew in my heart that i'd finally found that man. I looked out into the crowd and caught your daddy's eye and knew we were both thinking the same thing. 25 years from now that will be us.
After that we knew that we didn't want to have to be apart ever again. So being the impulsive weirdo that i am...i sold everything i own and bought a ticket to go back to England with your daddy. Saying goodbye to my family was sooooo hard because when i left i left with the intention of living in England forever. We ended up having to go on different planes to get there so your daddy arrived a good 10 hours into Gatwick before i did lol. But when i walked out of baggage and into the arrivals, there he was waiting with your Uncle Gary. Off we all went for a night of football watching and then i left for Liverpool the next day to visit with Gary for a couple weeks while daddy got us set up. So there i was, missing your dad but knowing that we'd be together soon so i spent my days hanging out with Gary and exploring my favorite city in the world. When suddenly one day i realized that i was ALWAYS feeling nauseous in the morning. I told your Uncle and thought maybe we should just get a test and see if me and your daddy might be having a lil one on the way. In my heart of hearts i was hoping and praying to see a yes on that test but i didn't want to get my hopes up in case it wasn't. I knew it would be painful after wanting u for so long. But there it was.....clear as day.....YES! I was pregnant....and that's the second i stopped living for myself and started living for u. I told your dad over the internet cuz he was still in Sutton. We were on camera so i got to see his reaction. He cried. He was sooooo happy. A few days later, off i went to be with him cuz we couldn't stand to be apart knowing that we were going to be a family. After a month or so tho, i couldn't stand to watch your dad going through so much. He was heading out to work at 6-7 in the morning and not getting back until 5 or so in the afternoon. Trying to make enough money to support us in our lil one room place. Then he was having to sit up all nite with me while i got sick. It was just too hard to see him slowly breaking down. So i made up my mind to go back to Canada. I couldn't get health care in England at the time anyway and i just knew in my heart that things were too hard there. Daddy couldn't make enough money with that job to be able to keep us going properly and i wasn't allowed to work there. Leaving your dad at the airport in London was the hardest thing i've ever had to do. This time i wasn't only leaving him...i was taking away his family. But it had to be done. We needed to find a place to live that would give u the best possible life. I cried on that plane halfway back to Canada, and i know your daddy cried all the way back home too.
Those months living back here in our apartment all by myself were so tough. I missed your daddy so much. When i went for the ultrasound and got to see u for the first time, he was so upset. He didn't want to miss that. But we found a way to make everything work. I came back from the ultrasound with Nana and showed daddy your first lil picture on the camera. The look on his face was amazing. He was grinning from ear to ear. Although we were looking at names for boys AND girls, we both knew deep down that u were a boy, and we couldn't have been happier. Daddy made it back to Canada just after my 6th month of pregnancy and so began our life here together. My due date for u was May 12th..Nana's bday! She had her heart set on you being born that day and we all thought u'd be early cuz i was soooooo big lol. But the "bara" stubborness went on another generation and u seemed to be very content in there. The 12th came and went and still no u. Your daddy and I spent our days talking to u in my tummy, gently coaxing u to join the world but to no avail. You just weren't ready. Finally, a week after my due date, the 19th, my water broke. I was at nana and papa's with daddy and uncle maynard and i swear the two of them went into a tailspin lol. Here i was, calm yet sooo excited, (and deep down terrified of having a C-section) and your daddy and uncle are like 2 spazzes tripping over their own feet to get me to the hospital. Turns out we didn't really need to rush at all because u STILL weren't ready to come out. Nana joined us at the hospital and so began my 21 hours of labour. That nite we stayed the nite in the hospital room....nana on the bed, me in a recliner, and daddy on the floor lol. Every half an hour or so daddy would take me in for a bath to relieve the pain then we'd nap for another 15 mins. Now i won't gross u out with all the details of labor, but i'll tell u this. I'd go through all that pain again just for the chance to see u for the first time all over again. After 21 hours of pain and or course for nana and daddy it was 21 hours of fear and hard work trying to keep me together, there u were. My miracle, my reason for living, my son, my everything. I dont remember even seeing another person in the room for about 15 minutes because all i could see was u. Everything i'd ever hoped for, prayed for, everything i'd ever wanted in my life was wrapped up in a 9lb lil angel on my chest. After a while everyone left the room except me and your daddy. I looked up at him and realized JUST how lucky i truly am. Not very many people find their soul in someone else. I tell your daddy that...he's not my soulmate...he's my soul. He's the part of me that i always felt was missing. There i was...in love with him more than i'd ever been before, and holding in my arms a little man that symbolized all the hardships, all the love, all the memories of our time spent together. A token of the love we have for each other. Our future was right there in front of our eyes, finally. Once upon a time Papa had a brother named Maynard who passed away when he was young. He was an amazing person, so when Nana and Papa had a boy they named him Maynard too. That name, to me, signifies a bond within our family, a person that enters this world and changes the lives of everyone around them for the better. Your Uncle Maynard has been a wonderful brother to me and has been there for me through everything in my life. And i know someday u will be the same to your little brother or sister. So i knew in my heart what your name would be as soon as i saw u, looking exactly like your uncle and the uncle before. Just a tiny baby but with so much wisdom and love for life in your eyes already. In that moment u became my first priority, my reason for being here. And your name became Maynard Coen. I told Daddy that he could pick your other middle name because in our family we have 2. He chose Wayne. Your Papa's name. The moment your Uncle saw u i could see the true joy in his eyes. I told him your name and he cried. I don't remember ever seeing him cry before. He loves u so much and would do anything in the world for u. Just like everyone else in this family that surrounds u. Nana and papa truly do live for the next time they see u. Nana cried when u were born and i know that after all she'd been through in those 21 hours having to see me in pain..all of that exhaustion disappeared. She fell in love. Papa came as soon as he could and when he held u in his arms i've never seen a man melt so quickly. You're a gift from God, my son. Not just to me and daddy but to this whole family. I promise u that not a day will ever go by when u don't feel encompassed by love. Not a day will ever go by when u won't feel truly special. You, Maynard Coen Wayne, are a miracle, a force in this world. Never, ever forget that.
All my love, always and forever,
~Mama Bear
